July - Banking Those Precious Moments
Updated: Aug 24, 2019
As a perfectionist who has a lot of responsibilities, I am plagued by feelings of guilt. Before becoming a wife and a mom, I was able to have the training for my career be my main focus in life. It was all that mattered. Having this one priority was so easy and it made me feel like I really was doing what I was supposed to. Then my life changed substantially and now, I have three thing that are of utmost importance to me.
In the past three years, I have had to re-balance my life, to accommodate these priorities: my son, my husband, and my career. They make me who I am. And the rational part of my mind knows that each of my priorities make me better as a whole. Sometimes, especially in the past couple of weeks, I have had to battle a lot of insecurities.
The worst one is when I feel like although I am fulfilling three roles, I should maybe stick to only one of them. There are only 24 hours a day and I can't possibly be as awesome at each aspect of my life as someone who has 100% of their free time to dedicate to being one thing.
But that is a lie.
I and every mother in my shoes, bring a set of unique abilities to the table that are heightened due to our experience of motherhood. Rationally, I know that I am a better doctor because I am a mother. And all my life responsibilities supply me the experiences to take on my work and home responsibilities with a complex ability.
It is only human that sometimes I let myself start thinking about all the time I do not get to spend with my son, Tobe. The mom insecurities kick in as I wonder if he really needs me, since I am gone so much. But then we have those moments that remind me that I am his mom and no one can replace me. I see it in his eyes, the way he calls me, the way he holds on to me. He smiles at me, kisses me, and everything makes sense again. I bank these little moments of pure love and tenderness from my son. They propel me, give me the strength to do what I do. All I do, I do for him.
On a daily basis I strive to maximize the amount of time I spend with Tobe. Whether it is a quick stop at the playground for a kiss on my way to a different hospital, or having his Dad bring him for lunch on the rare occasion that I have a lunch break. I am a firm believer that these little moments all add up, brighten both our days, and make for the best memories.
These past couple of weeks has also been about banking precious moments with my brothers. I still can't believe we all get to spend time together as a family. This is something that I have not had the luxury of doing for about seven years. So every moment I can, I am soaking up memories with these guys. Sometimes it still feels surreal. Time flies and soon it will be time for my brothers to leave again but the memories we create will help us get through time apart.